|
|
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008
|
Tuesday, 12th August, 2008 @ 8:26pm
I know... I really need to update soon. A lot has happend in the last few months so I will have a lot to write about, but I have a horrible headache and i'm sick with a cold. I promise I will write about everything soon!
current mood:  sick
|
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
|
Thursday, 17th April, 2008 @ 9:54pm - Another Thought
I'm going through life acting as if everything is fine, when really its not.......
current mood: sick
|
Friday, April 11th, 2008
|
Friday, 11th April, 2008 @ 3:08pm
When your life falls apart, where do you begin to piece it back together?
current mood:  depressed
|
Wednesday, January 9th, 2008
|
Wednesday, 9th January, 2008 @ 6:44pm - All Sorts of Things
/Here's an update on things more recently:
CHRISTMAS
Surprisingly Christmas this year wasn't too bad, although Brian had to work Christmas Day from 2PM-10:30PM so that kinda sucked because we didn't get to make a yummy dinner and instead of turkey and all that, I had a frozen pizza for dinner. But, on the up side, Cera got us a $50 giftcard to Walmart which helped tremendously, and Brian got a $25 giftcard from work to Walmart and a $50 Christmas bonus on his check and Brians Dad even sent us $100 giftcard to JC Penneys so we were actually able to give Kayla a decent Christmas for the very first time. She got lots of clothes and toys and dvds. Plus a pair of new shoes and boots. Now we are trying to save up a little extra money to buy her a play kitchen that goes with the play food that she already has. Me and Brian got each other a couple smallish things.
NEW YEARS
New Years Eve was especially hard on me because it has only been a year since my Grandpa died. Its hard to begin a New Year when it is always going to start on such a sad note. I still miss my Grandpa terribly, but I think that I still have yet to comprehend fully that he is gone. But, I will write more about all this very soon.
New Years Eve itself was like every other day. We just stayed home by ourselves. Me and Brian did shots of Captain Morgan, stayed up way to late like always, took lots of pictures, and well that about it. New Years Day was pretty boring because Brian had to work from 2P-10:30P even though he wasnt supposed to, but his job is stupid and made him work two holidays in a row :o(
MAKAYLA
She is growing up so incredibly fast. She talks way to much and drives me crazy. Her latest questions are "Why?" or "What'd Ya Doin Mommy?" She amazes me more and more every day with how smart she is. Her memory is insane for remembering things or recoginizing songs or peoples names or faces. She even knows what money is and always asks for some. I will definatly have to write a post all about her including some pictures soon, but I just wanted to give a quick update on little Miss Makayla Alexii. She constantly brings a smile to my face and she is always making me laugh.
ME & BRIAN
Good News!! Surprisingly everything has been going very well with us. We actually been getting along better than ever and it feels so terrific. Yeah we still argue but we always catch ourselves before it gets bad and we stop and apologize. We also have been talking more about everything which is awsome. I'm glad that our relationship is finally starting to be what ive been imagining. I really do love him with all my heart and I know that he really does love me too.
MYSELF
Last, but not least, about me.
I've been doing alright, i'll be honest, some days are very rough.
I haven't cut lately, the temptation is definatly there though. Although I have cut twice in the last couple of months. I'm just trying to handle things day by day and face problem at a time. I think I need to start concentrating my time and energy on other things instead of sitting here dwelling on all this bad or me constantly being sad because beleive me its getting very tiring. And frustrating. Especially because nothing can happen or I wont be thinking of anything in particular and I can horribly sad and depressed and i'll sit here and cry.
Being sad is consuming me. I'm not the person I want to be as a mother or wife or friend or sister. I need to start feeling really truley good again. I need to make some goals, both short and long term. I need to get myself motivated to change. I need to start doing the things I like and love again. I need to start taking better care of myself. I need to start taking a shower and doing my hair, putting on make-up, and getting dressed in jeans or shorts instead of bumming around the house all day in sweats and a t-shirt. I need to do this for myself. I WILL do this, I am going to suceed. I will not fail. The time is now, and I am ready!
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Edens Crush: Love This Way
|
Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
|
Tuesday, 8th January, 2008 @ 6:17pm - Jury Duty & Sick Makayla
I know its been like a month and a half since I last updated. And of course plenty has happend...
JURY DUTY
I had Jury Duty at the end of November, and it actually wasnt to bad. I was only there about a half of a day. I was picked for Jury selection, but the case was Domestic Violence (which I have been a victim of) so needless to say I wasnt picked for the Jury, probably because my opinion would have already been biased, plus the defense attorny was already gettin on my nerves with all his bullcrap. But all in all it wasnt a terrible experience.
POOR SICK MAKAYLA
There is no worse feeling in the world when your child is sick and there is nothing you can really do to help them. :o(
It all started around Wednesday November 28th Makayla started not feeling well. She would hardly eat or drink anything and she just wasnt being her normal trouble-making self. We didnt really think anything more of it because in itself it didnt seem to serious. She wasnt throwing up or anything and we got her to popsicles to keep her somewhat hydrated. That continued for a couple of days and on Friday she seemed just fine. Saturday was alright, except I noticed that she had a cough. I called Brian at work to let him know and I gave her some cough medicine and didnt think anything more.
Then came Sunday (Dec 2)All of a sudden she woke up about 6:30-ish gasping for air.
So I instantly jumped outta bed and tried laying with her on the couch, she would only fall asleep for minutes at a time because she was having the hardest time breathing. She would go into these coughing fits that lasted for 3-4 minutes and would leave her gasping for air. And when she coughed it basically sounded like a barking seal.
For me as a parent, it was getting to be scary. It's never a good feeling when your child is having a hard time breathing. So I called the hospital this morning and talked to a nurse who told me to bring Kayla in because she seems really sick so Brian called into work and off to the hospital we went. The hospital we went to has a new emergency room for just children, and the nurses and doctor were very nice. The gave Makayla a stuffed animal.
We found out that she had Croup, the doctor put her on oral steriods for 3 days. And every time she would go into a coughing fit and start gasping for air we had to rush her outside to the cold air which helped open up her airway. Thankfully she started feeling better within a couple of days.
Makayla may drive me crazy by not listening and getting into everything, but I would much rather have it that way then her laying there sick not doing or wanting anything.
Anyhow this entry is already gettin pretty long so i'm gonna wrap it up and write another entry on everything else lately!
current mood:  tired
current music: About Us: Brooke Hogan & Paul Wall
|
Monday, November 26th, 2007
|
Monday, 26th November, 2007 @ 5:03pm - An Update of Sorts
I know that the majority of my entries have been friends only lately and they haven't been of the happiest nature and I was actaully going to apologize then I changed my mind because I'm not sorry for what I wrote, because at the time its how I felt. What's the point of writing if I cant be open and honest? I have since calmed myself down, took a step back, and realized something... even if it were true that nobody would care or miss me, or even if me and Brian arent together and I am all alone, I still have a very beautiful and wonderful daughter that needs ME. I am her one and only mother, and no one can give her the love that I can. I suffer from major Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and probably a number of other things, but I refuse to be a victim any longer. I will not let them consume my life anymore. I have a lot of dark secrets from my past and I need to start letting them go so I think I may start writing about them on here, I have nothing more to hide. I need to let these inner demons go, I am so full of self hate that its unreal. I have very low self esteem and self worth. I hate what I am and what I've allowed myself to become. I need to get control of my life back. I need to control my own destiny, not let someone or some situation control my fate.
So when I start to unravel the story of myself, please don't judge me. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it all. I don't want your drama. If you don't like what I have to say then maybe you shouldn't be reading my journal in the first place.
About a week or two ago me and Brian had a great conversation and I told him how I felt/was feeling and everything that was bothering me. And of course, things went well for a few days and everything returned to the exact same way as before. A bit frustating, yes! I open myself up completly, which believe me is not easy for me to do at all. I can't talk, I instead keep everything to myself, bottled up until I reach the breaking point as you may have witnessed in my past few posts. I guess in the back of my mind that I knew things weren't/aren't going to ever change no matter how much I hope(d) they would. I don't know, but I dont want to get into this completly right now.
I have Jury Duty tommorrow and I am so nervous. I have to be to the court house by 8:30 AM, and I need to figure what I'm going to bring to help pass the time if I hafta sit there for any extended amount of time.
I know I have a ton more to write, but I've gotta make Kayla something for dinner and I gotta get some dishes and laundry done still.
Until I write again...........
current mood:  cold
current music: J. Holiday- Bed
|
Thursday, November 8th, 2007
|
Thursday, 8th November, 2007 @ 12:17am - An Update To Come
So I didnt have the chance to write an update earlier because I decided to update the pics on my Myspace instead so I will need to update tommorrow (well today because its already after Midnight) because I have a whole lot on my mind, and things still arent much better. But I will definatly write more when I get the chance. But, I gotta get myself and my lovely 3 year old daughter to bed.
If you have a Myspace let me know so I can add you as a friend, if I dont already have you!
current mood: sleepy
|
Monday, October 22nd, 2007
|
Monday, 22nd October, 2007 @ 1:32pm - Sick
I haven't been feeling well thus the reason why I haven't written or left comments. I have had the worst headache since Saturday and last night it got even worse. I got sick twice last night and I ended up throwing up blood. Still not feeling so well today, I'm tired, and just not feeling right. I dont know whats going on. And I don't have insurance or the extra money so I cant go to the doctor or hospital. I'll be back when I start feeling better.
current mood: sick
|
Thursday, October 18th, 2007
|
Thursday, 18th October, 2007 @ 10:42pm - A Bit Frustrated
When I sat down earlier and updated I started to type a whole big update, but then changed my mind and decided I was going to write a long update later after I put Kayla down for her nap so I copied it and instead of pasting it to notepad or word temporarily I totally forgot about it and copied something else. So now I hafta start all over and try to remember what I typed from hours earlier, but honestly I'm not really in the mood to sit here and type so i'll probably update tommorrow or this weekend.
But, a few of you have been asking about Makayla so im going to post another update after this with a few pics. But, make sure you log in and/or add me as a friend. Because the entry as well as a few others will/are going to be friends only.
Have a good night everyone.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
|
Thursday, 18th October, 2007 @ 3:16pm - Look Who's Back
I know that it has been a very long time since I have updated. I am really going to try to start updating regularly and leaving more comments because I think that it will really make me feel better. Plus, without having someone to talk to (well besides Brian) I have so much I want to say that it just ends all bottled up inside me and its driving me bonkers. I have had the worst writers block lately its horrible. I can sit somewhere and think of all the things I want to say and write about, but as soon as I sit down at the computer and try typing an update all I can do is just sit here and stare at the blank computer screen and then I get frustrated and I give up. So I thought that I might just sit down and start typing whatever comes to mind, so if I'm not making much sense I apologize. I want to be able to write and say what I need to say without being judged or without feeling like I need to sugar coat everything, because I have something to prove to everyone else. Truth is I was just to afraid to face reality myself and I didnt want to seem like a failure or something to everyone who may read my journal. My life is nowhere near being perfect. Its time to cut the crap and get real. I just found my notebook that I used to write it all the time about everything and I have never shared anything with anyone. But, I think I'm ready to share it here. My writing is raw and real and I believe its really good. I'm also going to write about things I read or see on tv or computer that really got me to thinking about things. (For example the Jena 6 or the Death Penalty stuff in recent news). I am very opinionated, but I will never force my views upon anyone else. I would love for you to share your thoughts and opinions about the stuff I write about, but please be respectful of me and anyone else. Don't start any drama, this is my l/j and if you dont like what I have to say then simply dont read. Anyhow, I was going to update about how I feel and all thats been going on in these past few months but I gotta put Kayla down for a nap cause she's getting cranky and I've got a terrible headache. But, I promise I will update later this evening so be on the lookout.
current mood: tired
current music: Kayla watching Monster House
|
Sunday, January 21st, 2007
|
Sunday, 21st January, 2007 @ 1:43pm - 24 is the number!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o)
An update to hopefully come later?!?
P.S. GO SAINTS!!
current mood: chipper
current music: NFL: Saints @ Bears
|
Friday, December 15th, 2006
|
Friday, 15th December, 2006 @ 9:31am - Friends Only Posts
Just as a forwarning~ Some of my l/j posts are going to be (or have been) FRIENDS ONLY. With everything going on lately there are a few things that I just dont want everyone to know. So be sure to either add me or log in.
I just need a "safe place" where I can talk about things, without being judged or having childish replies.
A very long awaited post and recent pics of Makayla to come later when I can get a moment to myself. :o)
current mood:  blah
current music: Sesame Street
|
Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
|
Wednesday, 15th November, 2006 @ 5:25pm - Will luck ever change?
Things obviously havent been going to well for me lately to say the least.
Last time I posted I got news from my family in Michigan that my Grandpa was very sick again and my aunts where taking him back to the hospital. Then a couple days later I got a call saying that my Great Grandma had passed away. And just a couple months before all this my Aunt Bonnie passed away suddenly. I havent seen any of my family in over 3 years, and of course I wasnt able to go to Michigan for any of the funerals, and I'm afraid that my grandpa will pass away without me seeing him one last time and without him ever meeting Makayla. I feel so guilty.........................
On top of all that I'm so stressed out that I have a constant headache and i've been making myself sick. We are in BIG trouble finacialy and I really dont know what to do. I just wanna cry as I sit here and type this. We had to put more money that we already didnt have into the car and now we dont have nearly enough money to pay a good portion of our bills. We are like $300 short and I dont know what to do. I don't know who else to turn to, but no one wants to loan us the money. I have been working my ass off trying to find a job, and I am positive that something will come along soon whether I have to go and get a job at Burger King right now. The only problem is that I dont know how much longer til I get a job and my first pay check. Some of our bills are already past due but moe than anything we despartly need $250 for rent. The thought of not having a place to live makes me absolutly sick. I have already tried talking to our landlord about making some kind of arrangements but hes not being so nice about it, he just wants his money right now. We dont have anyone out here, we dont have any place to go, and I have a 2 year old daughter that we cannot be left homeless.
I feel so worthless, I cant even take care of my own daughter right now. I dont know what else to do right now. Is there anyway that anyone could possibly help us out right now? I promise that I will pay you back once I get a job, I will put it in writing I will do whatever it takes. I promise that you will get all your money back as soon as I get it. Anyone???
I feel like crap. I hate asking anyone for help. When is life ever going to get any better? When is this bad luck ever going to end? How much more can I take? I absolutly love my daughter but sometimes it all starts to become to much. Sometimes I think it would just be a whole lot easier and better for me as well as everyone else if I wasnt around. I'm not asking for much so why wont anyone help? Why does everyone hate me?
current mood:  stressed
|
Friday, October 20th, 2006
|
Friday, 20th October, 2006 @ 6:45pm
Been doing a lot of thinking.............
Just as you think that things can't get much worse they do....
Very confused................
I cut today :o( Been doing so good with that too..........
Gotta go cause I need to get Kayla up from her nap and feed her some dinner...
|
Saturday, October 14th, 2006
|
Saturday, 14th October, 2006 @ 5:52pm
Can life possibly suck any worse right now?
Can I possibly feel worse emotionally and physically? Nope dont think so.
I wanna cut so bad. I wanna take a handfull of pills and sleep for days. I dont know if I can/want to do any of this anymore.
I hate myself so bad. I dont know......................................
current mood: depressed
|
Monday, September 25th, 2006
|
Monday, 25th September, 2006 @ 10:20am
I know that my entries have been very few and far between, and I did have good intentions on updating at least regularly. But everything here hasn't been going so well especially lately.
Makayla's Birthday is next Saturday! I can't believe she is already turning 2!! Me and Brian are going to take her to the zoo and I'm sure she is absolutly going to love it, the last time we went was on her 1st Birthday. I am a little upset/frustrated because we dont have any money to buy her anything for her Birthday. It makes me feel crappy. Walmart has this 3 piece toddler room in a box that I really wanted to get her, and now they have it in the Backyardigans who she absolutly loves. It comes with a toddler bed, a table with two chairs and toy organizer. It would be absolutly perfect for her, and lately she has been trying to climb out of her crib when I put her down for a nap or when Im trying to put her to bed for the night. And it scares the hell outta me cause im afraid she is going to hurt herself. Plus I wanna make her room more hers especially cause we are using her closet for storage, her toys are in cardboard boxes, and her crib is in our bedroom. And the room in a box is a real good deal, but we just dont have any extra money right now...heck we hardly have enough money to pay the bills. :o(
I have been trying my best to find a job, I even just re-did my resume and cover letter to sound even better. I get interviews but either the hours don't work with Brians schedule or the job itself just doesnt work out for some reason or another. Its very frustrating especially because I havent really worked in the past 3 years and thats part of the problem. I have even started looking for something part-time because right now something is better then nothing. And if I do find a part-time job and I have the extra time I would love to volunteer somewhere 1 day a week doing office work to help build my recent experience. And then if that were to happen, in a couple months I will re-start my search for a full-time job. I dont know, and then Brian made me feel even crappier, because he said it would just be a waste of time to work somewhere part-time, but he doesn't want to listen when I try explainingthat it is better than nothing right now, we despartly need any extra money we can get and I can really use the recent experience if I want to find something better.
Yeah, things with Brian and I are not going so well to say the least. But I think I have rambled on enough for now, and its not as if anyone really reads this or even cares. But it is a good release especially cause I have absolutly no one to talk to, and I have all those emotions bottled up inside, it does feel good to finally get some stuff out.
Until next time...........
current mood:  crappy
current music: Dry Cell: Last Time
|
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
|
Thursday, 8th June, 2006 @ 5:50pm - Hey All
Yes I know it has been a gazillion years since I have updated.
I plan on starting to update more often since writing is a good release for me. So I warn you now- Please don't mind my meaningless rambles from time to time.
Anyhow,I just wanted to let ya all know that some (actually most) of my l/j entries are going to be friends only. I'm tired of immature people who leave annoymous comments about things they know nothing about. Grow up already, and if you have something to say to me then say it, but be grown and leave a name. Plus, when I post pictures I dont want any sickos stealing them, especially ones of Makayla so those entries will always be friends-only.
I will probably make an actual update either later tonight or sometime tommorrow, depending how Kayla behaves.
So if you want add me to your friends list if you havent already.
And I hopes that you all have a wonderful evening/night!
current mood:  hot
current music: Ridin Dirty - Chamillionaire
|
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
|
Wednesday, 2nd November, 2005 @ 5:23pm - Busy, Busy, Busy
I think I may have a few minutes to actually sit down and update b/c right now Makayla is napping. Everything is going pretty good right now. Although I am always so tired and don't have enough time or energy to do much of anything.
Halloween
Brian and I did take Kayla trick-or-treating, but we only stayed out about an hour because it was too gosh darn cold (and of course yesturday and today was almost 70 degrees out- go figure)Kayla was so cute, she was a little pink leopard! :o)Luckily no one jumped out and tried to scare her because if they would have made her cry I would have had to punch them in the nose. Kayla is just to smart, everytime she would see a bowl of candy she would point at it like hey I know whats in there wheres mine? And every time someone would hand her some candy she knew to put it into her pink pumpkin and if the person put it into her pumpkin instead of handing it to her she would look inside it and check out what they gave her. It was just to funny. And then people would let her pick out her own candy and she would always grab more than one piece, and sometimes she would try to give it back. Too much fun, I cannot wait until next year especially because she will be a bit older and will be able to walk and talk more.
Job Stuff
As of right now and actually for awhile now, I haven't been working. Long story short, I always seem to find something that just doesnt work out for one reason or another.
And actually I just got a job with Checks Unlimited doing Inbound Customer Service, and it actually seems decent. I start next week, Monday, November 7th. We get 4 weeks of training. The pay is decent (I start out making $9.50/Hr.) BUT (yes there is always a but) by the time I got to pick a schedule the Full-Time ones that would most work for me were taken so I ended up with only Part-time. I work 25 hours a week. I have Wednesdays and Sundays off. So I work Mon,Tues, Thurs, Fri, & Sat 8 AM-1 PM. It would be perfect if I could have been full-time, the benefits seem great and i've talked to someone i know who works there and they said the job is easy. And eventually after i've worked there for 2 months, they have this thing called Shift Bidding where I guess you can get more/different hours, but it goes to the person with the most senority first so because I just started I would be the lowest rung on the ladder, and therefor it would probably take me forever to get a Full-Time schedule with hours that would work.
I really need something full-time because there are things we need to buy and I would really like to start paying off all our bills and start saving some money. And only working 25 hours week will take me forever to do all of that. I however decided to take the job anyways for a couple of reasons, we NEED the money, something is better than nothing. Kayla desperatly needs a new car seat and a winter coat, and the brakes on the car need to be fixed soon. Plus X-Mas is coming up and I would love to be able to buy Kayla and Brian something which we werent even able to do last year. And for my 4 weeks of training i'll be working Full-Time, Monday-Friday 8 AM-4:30 PM. So that will help out quite a bit. Then once I am done with training I can start to look again for something that is Full-Time, and if I need to go on any interviews I have any time after 1 PM available and anytime on Wednesdays.
I have an interview tommorrow with American Family Insurance as a Customer Service Rep. So we will see how that goes.
I don't know this whole job situation makes me frustrated. We really need money bad and Brian is doing the best he can, but what he makes goes straight to bills and sometimes we have just enough money left over to buy Kayla diapers and thats just about it. We can't do anything fun or eat out or buy anything and it sucks, and sometimes we bare;y have any enough money to cover the bills. I hate this, and there isn't anyone that could help us at all right now, and people that probably could we dont even bother asking cause we already know the answer. It's alright though, we've been fine so far and we always manage to figure something out and somehow make it and its only a couple of weeks that I will get my first check which will already help out tremendously.
Anyhow enough about all that.
Makayla
She is doing absolutly wonderful. She is getting so big and smart. She is a little over 13 months old now, still has 4 teeth (although I can't tell if anymore are coming in cause everytime I try to look she bites me and that really hurts)She still 'cruises' furniture and everything else she can stand up and use to walk with. She has taken a couple of steps here and there, but I think she is still a bit nervous. I have the feeling that any day now she will be a walking on her very own. She no longer uses a bottle. She is drinking whole milk, juice, and/or water now. She eats 3 meals a day and 2(sometimes 3 snacks). She drinks from her sippy cup or from a cup with a straw. She is such a big girl. I wish I could write more cause there is so much more to tell, but I wanted to at least give y'all a brief update on the little princess.
Well I better get going, I gotta get Kayla's dinner ready as well as get myself something to eat and I need to start a load of laundry and I have to empty the dishwasher and put somemore dishes into it.
Have a wonderful night everyone.
And yes, I do read everyones entries, I usually jsut don't have time to sit down and comment. But I will try to become better at doing so.
current mood:  accomplished
|
Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
|
Tuesday, 4th October, 2005 @ 8:13pm - Kayla's 1st B-Day!!!!!
Kayla finally turned 1 on Friday September 30th!!!!! :o)
We took her to the zoo on her B-day, and it was soooooooo much fun! Kayla absolutly loved it. She tried to grab the giraffe's tongue. We took a ton of pictures which we will be getting back on Friday so I promise to be sure to share them with all of you.
We didn't eat cake and ice cream on Friday because she had been awake all day long she was so tired by the time we got home we figured that we would just do it another day.
I don't remember what we did Saturday- I think we just relaxed because our legs/feet hurt so bad from all the walking up and downhill.
But on Sunday we finally did have cake and icecream, our neighbor next door brought her 2 yr old daughter and 7 month old son over to help celebrate. Kayla had such a blast, she had cake EVERYWHERE. She is just way too gosh darn cute. We decided the easiest way to get her cleaned up was to just put her in the shower with Brian. She loved every second of that too, she loves water, and doesn't mind when it gets in her face. I can't wait till we get the pics back.
I can't believe our little girl is already 1, where the heck did time go? She sure is growing up so quickly, and of course I am enjoying every second of it. Every day always offers something new, something to bring a smile to our face and joy to our hearts.
On a very disappointing and hurtful note, EVERYONE forgot Kayla's B-Day! My family and Bri's family. Not one person remembered, (well our neighbor girl did, she got an outfit and card for Kayla). We didnt get one card in the mail, not one simple email or telephone call. At first, I was very hurt and upset and angry, because I thought my family would really remember. But again, they have been weird lately so I dont know what their deal is anymore. When we get her B-Day pics back I am going to casually send them a letter and a few pictures and see what happends then. Now I'm to the point where Im like fuck everyone, if you dont care enough to even send a simple card then do they really deserve to be a part of something so spectacular. Their loss. Me, Brian, and Kayla had a terrific day, and when it all comes down to it they are all I need, because I am so tired of being hurt and disappointed and let down by everyone else, and I certainly dont want my daughter going through that. Argh! I don't know, but I better get going, i'm getting a bit hungry and its almost time for Brian to call so i'll talk to everyone later.
current mood:  indescribable
|
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
|
Wednesday, 21st September, 2005 @ 5:49pm - Yes Indeed.. Look Who's Back :o)
I know it has certainly been awhile, and I have been recieving e-mails and such about people being concerned because I haven't updated in months and my last update wasnt a very good one. So here I am!
I just needed a break from l/j for awhile to figure out some things and to get my life straight. Things are actually going pretty good right now, as usual life is a bit crazy, but I guess that is what happends when you have a little one.
I am doing a lot better and I have NOT cut since last time I updated!! I am very proud of myself. I am still a little bit depressed, but I have learned to handle it much better. I know that I have Brian and Kayla and they both love me and that is all I need.
Me and Brian just celebrated our 2 year anniversary of being married this past Saturday (the 17th)!! We have been getting along great lately. We talk and work our problems out, and it is so wonderful!
I know you are all wondering about little Makayla. She will be 1 at the end of the month, September 30th!!! I can not believe that it has already been a year so far. She is getting so big! Kayla has 4 teeth now, 2 on top and 2 on the bottom, and she likes to bite my fingers and hands and let me tell you it hurts like hell. She doesn't walk by herself yet, but she does "cruise" furniture quite well, and she lets go and stands on her own for a few seconds before she realizes what she is doing and then sits down and grabs back on. She is quite entertaining. She loves to smile and giggle. She says dada and mama and actaully know what they mean. She can also say ball (but its more like bah)and she can also say Cera(who is my best friend from Michigan and Kayla's god-mother) but she says SSS or Rah Rah. Plus she babbles and loves to make a whole lot of noise, she has definatly found her voice, especially when me and Bri are trying to talk to each other or someone else she always has to be louder. She LOVES attention! She can clap, blow kisses, smack her lips together, and point at things of interest to her like lights. She loves my 2 12' inch speakers that we have hooked up to the speakers in our room, I guess she just loves Bass especially considering that she is mine and Bri's daughter. She loves to dance and bounce up and down. She is especially good at making a mess, for example when I have her little laundry basket sitting in the hallway by the washing machine she will go and pull all of dirty clothes out and scatter them all over the place. For some reason she is deathly afraid of the vaccum cleaner, white noise on tv, and bushes or hanging plants. I don't know why but she just freaks out and grabs onto us really tight and tries to get away of whatever it is that she doesnt like. She loves to eat and she eats pretty much we eat now, and she loves to drink from a straw. She is becoming such a BIG girl. I know that there is so much more that I forgot to tell ya'll about her, but she is doing great, getting big,loves to play, and is becoming quite a monster but yet she is still so very very cute!! I promise to post some recent pics of her as soon as we take some film to Walmart and get it developed.
For Kayla's B-Day we just decided that we are going to take her to the Zoo and maybe have a picnic or something. We are going to let her have her own little cake that she can eat and just do whatever with it. I would have loved to have a party for her, but because most of Bri's family out here are all worthless it isnt worth the trouble or the hassle. It'll be fun and i'll be sure to take a lot of pics.
Theres so much more that I would love to write about, but I gotta go cause Kayla just woke up from her nap and its about time for her to dinner and her bottle. I will update again soon, I promise.
I hope that you are all doing well!!!!
current mood: accomplished
current music: Plan 9: You Lied
|
|
|
|